well done for getting this down on paper, and the tone is charming and sweet - and I love the ending too. However - you've got 60 seconds, and I think there are ways you can contract the first act; cutting to the chase; so, we start with the boy already in bed; he sees a shooting star - he asks the question. It's not clear from your script exactly how we learn the villian's name and his intentions/motive; through narration perhaps, but how so visually? Now that you've written this down, it's time to polish it and really get it as lean and as visually communicative as possible; how will your audience learn everything they need to about this story in the running time? Thinking cap back on - but you've got the tone of this spot on and I like your character's names a lot too. Caligo Nox - nice!
story is DIFFICULT - much more difficult than everyone thinks (which is why Pixar is so admired - not because of the tech, but because of the craft and quality of their stories). Personally, I think you're really onto something here, so I want to see you re-double your enthusiasm and work like stink to get this into pre-production. No more nodding off in corridors... ;)
well done for getting this down on paper, and the tone is charming and sweet - and I love the ending too. However - you've got 60 seconds, and I think there are ways you can contract the first act; cutting to the chase; so, we start with the boy already in bed; he sees a shooting star - he asks the question. It's not clear from your script exactly how we learn the villian's name and his intentions/motive; through narration perhaps, but how so visually? Now that you've written this down, it's time to polish it and really get it as lean and as visually communicative as possible; how will your audience learn everything they need to about this story in the running time? Thinking cap back on - but you've got the tone of this spot on and I like your character's names a lot too. Caligo Nox - nice!
ReplyDeleteThanks Phil sorry I too so long.
Deletestory is DIFFICULT - much more difficult than everyone thinks (which is why Pixar is so admired - not because of the tech, but because of the craft and quality of their stories). Personally, I think you're really onto something here, so I want to see you re-double your enthusiasm and work like stink to get this into pre-production. No more nodding off in corridors... ;)
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